Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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