So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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