she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
