btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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