Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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