let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
