So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
