well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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