You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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