I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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