Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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