in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
