you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
