I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
tell me about the eggs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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