I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
