Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
