he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
