they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
