Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
