I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize