I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
