And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
