Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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