Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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