I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
