Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
