the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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