Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
