haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
