im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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