He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
