Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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