Too much gin, very little bucket
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
