Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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