She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
