ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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