my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
