Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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