mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
