She said her name was "party"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
