my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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