Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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