I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
