My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there was a trapeze. enough said
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
