Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Randomize
