so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
