Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
