so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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