Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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