I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
