There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
