So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
