Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
