Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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