i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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