I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
