I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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