who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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