Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
