i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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