My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
