I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
