6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I AM VODKA MAN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
