: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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