I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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