I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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