Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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