Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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