Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
